I so need a break

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It's one of those days when I just feel nothing's working. Last night had to look into an urgent situation for work and turned my mood upside down. I needed to go out, vent, cycle, run, anything, but then had to put the girls to bed, they're not sleeping if I'm not there. Even Ariana, she needs to know I'm in the next room. Oh, that ombylical cord, guess it was never cut!!! I wonder how miserable I'll be once they finally decide cut it!
This morning I woke up thinking I need to clean up the rest of the mess at work on what was supposedly a day off, and felt just annoyed. Then the postman rang the bell and left on our doorstep a box of Fitzbillies Chelsea buns, sent by my employer. And a note, to say thank you for the work done over the last weeks. Timing could never have been better.
Again, it's the little things in life, the ups and the downs, the pink and the grey, the clouds and the sunshine, that make us feel alive. 

https://www.mommaaddict.com/survivalist-mom-mode/
But... I REALLY need a break. So I've decided to take it, as I had some days booked off from half term. To go to Italy, to celebrate dear friends' wedding, celebrate Dan's big 40th. Not happening, and all that has been postponed to 2021. Including the 40th, and won't really matter, as Dan will forever be 20 anyway. And likes that! Finally I will be able to enjoy a week at home with the girls without worrying about things at work, and am so looking forward to that. Could we finally do some proper homeschooling? Should I even aim for that, or just enjoy the gift of time? Will they get on my nerves from the first day? I get sort of panicky thinking that in 2 months I was juglling it all and probably not doing too well with anything. It is hard. I have high expectations from myself and people around me, and it is hard to meet them. Should I let go of my expectations?!
I used to be recognised for being a very organised person. Makes me laugh now, as I am so all over the place, feels like juggling everything while walking on a thin piece of string and bound to fall and drop everything any minute. And all this by only working part time and having only one child to homeschool - I canot imagine being a full time mum with two children or more who need home schooling.

Edit one week later (think this shows how crazy things have been lately, didn't really get the chance to finish writing anything)
But the break is coming - from tomorrow until 1st June I will have all the time in the world to do everything, and knowing myself, I will probably come up with an unrealistic list, feel overwhelmed, then blink twice and the dreaded back to work Monday will be here. No seriously, I will have the damn break! Entertain the kiddies, read something nice, enjoy life as it is, and most importantly look after myself. That's so vital, and us mums often forget about it. Few years back Dan bought a fridge magnet saying 'If Mama ain't happy - ain't nobody happy'. So fucking spot on! And so easy to overlook.

I think we'll all take a break next week. And just have fun, no meetings, no home schooling, no pressure from anywhere. It's been a hell of a workload, a rollercoaster of emotions, a massive effort to try and seem organised, but we've made it this far.
I think it's time to focus on the basics! No high expectations, no guilt wars in my head, no pressure.




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