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Running away from 2020

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Just like my first post into lockdown in March, I feel like using the F word a lot, to express how I feel. I am holding back from it, it’s not cool, just as I am holiday back my tears when I realise my lack of control and helplessness, my failure to properly understand things and have the right answer when my 4 year old is asking me when is the virus going away. Not for a while baby, I want to say, but instead I smile and tell her that soon this will all go away. They are lucky though, they just managed to finish a whole uninterrupted school term, which to be fair I didn’t think would happen. What a shift in meaning ‘normal’ had this year - we don’t know what’s normal anymore, what’s the new normal and what next year’s normal will be. Someone told me this summer that we need to stop waiting for normal to return and learn to live our lives as if this is normal. At the time it sounded ridiculous and we could still deceive ourselves with the light at the end of the tunnel. It’s getting ve...
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Pandemic achievements

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Today marked the first day when both children were in school and I wasn't working so I had a bit of time for myself.  And when I say a bit of time, I actually mean A BIT, because with Emma starting Reception class, she was in school from 8.50am to 11.30am. Nevertheless, it felt good to have some space, despite missing them while they weren't home to drive me insane. So after tidying the house a bit I was considering going for a run, bike ride, whatever - but instead I chose to sit outside in the garden reading and contemplating. I know, sounds great, but no reason to get too envyious, it was only half an hour. It is never a good idea to let my brain wander for too long, the outcome may be dangerous. We now hit the 6 months milestone since working from home and since this whole madness started - but who's counting?! Seems like a long time, and as we get back into sort of a routine with school, girls' activities,  I struggle to remember how things were before. It was a lo...
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Women - those supernatural creatures

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I've recently read an article wrote by a friend of mine about gender gaps and it really got me thinking. As a mother of two girls and as a what I like to think about myself, a strong woman, I've always been a feminist. In my early twenties, when I was convinced that the world was mine, I used to say women can do everything that men do, and on top of that, they can do it all while wearing heels. This is not to say men can't wear heels, I dare you to try. Over the last nearly 4 months, we've all found ourselves dealing with new challenges and trying to comprehend this new way of living. However, I believe the working mums have faced the ultimate juggling challenge - fitting the role of mum, teacher, cleaner, wife, whatever role at job. No wonder I for one constantly felt like a complete loser, as I had the feeling that I've been unable to do anything properly. Thank goodness I am keeping positive and can accept my limitations, otherwise it can have a serious impac...
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Marriage and work in times of pandemics

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"I am sitting at my desk trying to focus on my work, while he's sitting on the opposite site, typing loudly and eating almonds. If he's chewing one more almond like that, I swear I will throw away the bowl. And yes, I'm in a meeting, please don't make any funny noises or swear at your code when I unmute myself to say something." This is just a small snippet out of working from home with my beloved husband during these last months. We're not always at the same desk, but if we need external monitors, then we'd be sat there. Today we're not celebrating our 14th anniversary since I became Mrs Stanciu. Not celebrating the civil ceremony, because we're celebrating the wedding anniversary in September, and because we agreed it will be too much to remember for him. We've been together since 2001, so very close to 20 years now, and we've been through a lot - good and bad. But this, the lockdown and the being at home non stop TOGETHER for ove...
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Father of my children

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My Dad was unique in so many ways, and his warmth, his love, his kindness, his endless trust in me, will be with me forever, even if he's no longer with us. Losing him was the hardest thing I ever had to do, and I often wondered if it would have been easier if we weren't that close. But I much rather had the experience of having an amazing father who I'd miss this much, than having one that I wouldn't. I did not think it would be possible for anyone to match him. Until I had my own children and I witnessed Dan becoming a Dad. Nobody ever could have guessed he'd have it in him. He was the most indifferent person to children, he never ever held a baby until on what was the last hot day of the year, that 7th October 2011, our first little bundle of joy came into this world. We were scheduled for a C-section with Ariana, and while I had to spend a few hours in intensive care after the surgery, the baby would get to spend time with the father. I think that was when...
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Three generations under one roof

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3 months in isolation and we managed to book a flight for my Mum to return back home. I’ve got mixed feelings about it - I am mainly worried about the time spent in the airport and during the flight surrounded by people. A bit sad because the girls, mostly Emma keeps saying she doesn’t want her to go, so she’ll be quite disappointed for a while. But knowing Emma, she’ll quickly get over it. Relieved - because we really needed to get back to being us four and get back to our normal (haha!) life. It can be tricky to live with our parents. There are expectations on both sides, and not all the time these are being met. And when this extends over a long period of time, it becomes even more difficult. There may be choices we make and our parents don't agree to, just because they've lived different, they are just a different generation. I believe the generation gap deepens when it comes to parenting styles and it’s very difficult to view the comments as constructive. It may be a Ro...
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Be like a duck they say

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After moving here to the UK, and after Ariana was well settled into the new nursery, I started a new job in IT. It was a complete turn of my career, from academia where I already knew the drills and was comfortably climbing up the professional ladder. So I felt totallyout of my depth, really nervous and soon I realised I had all the reasons to be. I was dealing with all sort of clients, each quite different (in attitude as well as in infrastructure) and every single issue that came up was new and something I've not dealt with before. And then the language barrier - not a massive one, but added up to the load. So one day, a colleague said: be like a duck. I thought, WTF?! So he explained: a duck on the water looks very calm and serene, while under the water is peddling like hell. So when speaking to clients or being on the phone to them, seem like everything's under control and you know exactly what to do, while actually you will do your best to sort out their issue. Do look co...
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