Carpe diem with kids

Just like my first post into lockdown in March, I feel like using the F word a lot, to express how I feel. I am holding back from it, it’s not cool, just as I am holiday back my tears when I realise my lack of control and helplessness, my failure to properly understand things and have the right answer when my 4 year old is asking me when is the virus going away. Not for a while baby, I want to say, but instead I smile and tell her that soon this will all go away. They are lucky though, they just managed to finish a whole uninterrupted school term, which to be fair I didn’t think would happen. What a shift in meaning ‘normal’ had this year - we don’t know what’s normal anymore, what’s the new normal and what next year’s normal will be. Someone told me this summer that we need to stop waiting for normal to return and learn to live our lives as if this is normal. At the time it sounded ridiculous and we could still deceive ourselves with the light at the end of the tunnel. It’s getting ve...

Today marked the first day when both children were in school and I wasn't working so I had a bit of time for myself.  And when I say a bit of time, I actually mean A BIT, because with Emma starting Reception class, she was in school from 8.50am to 11.30am. Nevertheless, it felt good to have some space, despite missing them while they weren't home to drive me insane. So after tidying the house a bit I was considering going for a run, bike ride, whatever - but instead I chose to sit outside in the garden reading and contemplating. I know, sounds great, but no reason to get too envyious, it was only half an hour. It is never a good idea to let my brain wander for too long, the outcome may be dangerous. We now hit the 6 months milestone since working from home and since this whole madness started - but who's counting?! Seems like a long time, and as we get back into sort of a routine with school, girls' activities,  I struggle to remember how things were before. It was a lo...

I've recently read an article wrote by a friend of mine about gender gaps and it really got me thinking. As a mother of two girls and as a what I like to think about myself, a strong woman, I've always been a feminist. In my early twenties, when I was convinced that the world was mine, I used to say women can do everything that men do, and on top of that, they can do it all while wearing heels. This is not to say men can't wear heels, I dare you to try. Over the last nearly 4 months, we've all found ourselves dealing with new challenges and trying to comprehend this new way of living. However, I believe the working mums have faced the ultimate juggling challenge - fitting the role of mum, teacher, cleaner, wife, whatever role at job. No wonder I for one constantly felt like a complete loser, as I had the feeling that I've been unable to do anything properly. Thank goodness I am keeping positive and can accept my limitations, otherwise it can have a serious impac...

"I am sitting at my desk trying to focus on my work, while he's sitting on the opposite site, typing loudly and eating almonds. If he's chewing one more almond like that, I swear I will throw away the bowl. And yes, I'm in a meeting, please don't make any funny noises or swear at your code when I unmute myself to say something." This is just a small snippet out of working from home with my beloved husband during these last months. We're not always at the same desk, but if we need external monitors, then we'd be sat there. Today we're not celebrating our 14th anniversary since I became Mrs Stanciu. Not celebrating the civil ceremony, because we're celebrating the wedding anniversary in September, and because we agreed it will be too much to remember for him. We've been together since 2001, so very close to 20 years now, and we've been through a lot - good and bad. But this, the lockdown and the being at home non stop TOGETHER for ove...

My Dad was unique in so many ways, and his warmth, his love, his kindness, his endless trust in me, will be with me forever, even if he's no longer with us. Losing him was the hardest thing I ever had to do, and I often wondered if it would have been easier if we weren't that close. But I much rather had the experience of having an amazing father who I'd miss this much, than having one that I wouldn't. I did not think it would be possible for anyone to match him. Until I had my own children and I witnessed Dan becoming a Dad. Nobody ever could have guessed he'd have it in him. He was the most indifferent person to children, he never ever held a baby until on what was the last hot day of the year, that 7th October 2011, our first little bundle of joy came into this world. We were scheduled for a C-section with Ariana, and while I had to spend a few hours in intensive care after the surgery, the baby would get to spend time with the father. I think that was when...

3 months in isolation and we managed to book a flight for my Mum to return back home. I’ve got mixed feelings about it - I am mainly worried about the time spent in the airport and during the flight surrounded by people. A bit sad because the girls, mostly Emma keeps saying she doesn’t want her to go, so she’ll be quite disappointed for a while. But knowing Emma, she’ll quickly get over it. Relieved - because we really needed to get back to being us four and get back to our normal (haha!) life. It can be tricky to live with our parents. There are expectations on both sides, and not all the time these are being met. And when this extends over a long period of time, it becomes even more difficult. There may be choices we make and our parents don't agree to, just because they've lived different, they are just a different generation. I believe the generation gap deepens when it comes to parenting styles and it’s very difficult to view the comments as constructive. It may be a Ro...

After moving here to the UK, and after Ariana was well settled into the new nursery, I started a new job in IT. It was a complete turn of my career, from academia where I already knew the drills and was comfortably climbing up the professional ladder. So I felt totallyout of my depth, really nervous and soon I realised I had all the reasons to be. I was dealing with all sort of clients, each quite different (in attitude as well as in infrastructure) and every single issue that came up was new and something I've not dealt with before. And then the language barrier - not a massive one, but added up to the load. So one day, a colleague said: be like a duck. I thought, WTF?! So he explained: a duck on the water looks very calm and serene, while under the water is peddling like hell. So when speaking to clients or being on the phone to them, seem like everything's under control and you know exactly what to do, while actually you will do your best to sort out their issue. Do look co...

My first day of annual leave! Ah, the thrill of that, it's finally here! No, I have not spent the morning making to do lists or planning what I've got to do (although they're in my head but I keep ignoring them). Didn't even go for a run, although I was planning to. Instead, I joined Emma on her dance class, then sorted out Legos with Ariana and Dan. I need to focus on not setting expectations for the next week. In my head, lists are building up, plans, tasks, increasing my awareness of all the shit piling up over the last 2 months, all that needs done. If I get any of that done, fine! If not, fine! Now that I've written it, it's like a pact with myself. The main thing we need to catch up on is spending more quality time and playing with the girls. There's been a bit of planning on that side, and a camping night in the garden is in the cards, some Star Wars folded flyers, star gazing, and other 'whatever makes them happy' activities. Yesterday ...

Today would have been the wedding party of our dear friends, somewhere near Lecce in South Italy, and were all so excited about it. My heart goes out to them, I know it' not easy for now,  but we'll party even harder next year. Since we can't make it this year, I decided to make up for each missed holiday by remembering past holidays, looking at pictures and videos, sort of reliving beautiful memories. What a beautiful country Italy is, so many gorgeous places, so much culture, the food, the wines, the joyful people, it can never disapoint. Our first visit to Italy was sort of by accident. In 2006 was attending my first international scientific conference in Rijeka, Croatia, with a colleague I was working with and our partners. We stayed in a villa in Opatija, and while we loved exploring the surroundings and the Istra Peninsula is absolutely gorgeous (so many Venetian influences), I couldn't help throwing the idea of taking a little detour on our way back home and ...

It's one of those days when I just feel nothing's working. Last night had to look into an urgent situation for work and turned my mood upside down. I needed to go out, vent, cycle, run, anything, but then had to put the girls to bed, they're not sleeping if I'm not there. Even Ariana, she needs to know I'm in the next room. Oh, that ombylical cord, guess it was never cut!!! I wonder how miserable I'll be once they finally decide cut it! This morning I woke up thinking I need to clean up the rest of the mess at work on what was supposedly a day off, and felt just annoyed. Then the postman rang the bell and left on our doorstep a box of Fitzbillies Chelsea buns, sent by my employer. And a note, to say thank you for the work done over the last weeks. Timing could never have been better. Again, it's the little things in life, the ups and the downs, the pink and the grey, the clouds and the sunshine, that make us feel alive.  https://www.mommaaddict.com/...

Nearly 7 weeks into this isolation and (at times) I am getting fed up with it, as I am sure most of us are. But don't think the end is near, so we just have to deal with it. While some of us are happily working from home and loving it, their productivity rising to the sky (crazy people, eh?), others are really missing face to face comunication and struggling with all this exclusively remote work.Video calls are generally ok (apart from that very important meeting with a new client when I was supposed to lead the meeting and make a good impression, but my bloody Zoom crashed) but still feel strange and just won't do for me. It is hard, I feel tired, annoyed to not be able to control things, missing people, spending too much time on social media to distract my brain. Today I was witnessing from my kitchen a situation where an older lady fell on the road near the pavement, must have been the heat, and people were trying to help her but keeping the freaking (note how I am tryin...

Interestingly I started writing this a week ago then, don’t know, things got a bit too busy, and lost the momentum, but getting back into it today on Earth day. Spring is just amazing, and we really miss being out and about and enjoying nature at its best - flowers, birds, butterflies, a day by the beach, whatever. I even miss the craziness before leaving the house for a fun family day, getting everything and everyone ready, where by the time we get in the car to leave I am all sweaty and pissed off, and then I need to go back because we forgot something. Fun family day indeed. Surely that only happens to us! 😂 Funniest and most annoying thing I saw on Facebook recently was the ‘Bluebell trail run’ event being postponed. How on Earth do you postpone an event involving seasonal flowers?!  ‘You can never hold back spriiing.‘ Ok, now Tom Waits is stuck in my head again. Couple of years ago in April we visited our friends in Holland and I got to check Keukenhof, the tulip park,...

Four weeks and an eternity since we've been working from home, and 3 weeks since the children stopped going to school and nursery. Has it been a challenge to juggle everything and keep everyone happy? Absolutely! Have we managed? Just! Is it getting easier? Not really, no! So looking forward to get back to normal, although I'm pretty sure life will not return to exactly what it was before this. I have wondered how we will cope, but, luckily, few weeks back, Boris has spoken: we're allowed to go out for daily exercise! Oh joy!!! I have never seen so many people out walking, running, cycling. If this goes on for much longer, I think many of us will be in better shape than ever. Sure, I might not get back my pre-kids waistline, only a time turner can do that, but might finally get rid of any extra weight. I am doing so much exercise lately, compared to what I used to do up to a year ago (which was close to nothing). Over the last few months I joined all sort of fun challenge...

Cancelled ! - I have started to really dread this word. Too many things in a short amount of time having been cancelled. I keep trying to remind myself that in the big picture of what’s going on in the world these are ridiculous problems, small and insignificant, but they do matter too. So last week we were supposed to fly to Budapest, spend a couple of days there, then drive to Timisoara in Romania. Celebrate Dan’s Mum’s birthday, have some drinks with friends, spend Easter in my beloved village where I grew up, the girls spending time with their cousins, have a session with our photographer who’s been taking the most amazing photos of the girls for many years. And as much as I was really looking forward to all this, I was equally happy about the time we were planning to spend in Budapest. Because after some very succesful holidays with the girls I felt that we can finally get back to travelling more and passing on to the girls our passion of exploring new places and revisiting some...

Yes, it may be crazy times out there, but in here one very cheerful,  beautiful, happy, fascinating, kind, cheeky, amazing, feisty little girl turned 4 today. We tried a few tricks, but couldn’t stop time from flying.  So here she is, ready to (hopefully) start school this year and rocking her preschool attitude. We had a fabulous birthday party planned for her and it was really difficult to make her understand that we need to settle for a ‘virtual party’. She did enjoy seeing everyone and danced (but not as she would have done at her real party), she really loved her Frozen cake and kept telling me how happy she is, so felt like we managed to turn things around for her. But I felt really emotional and  I was nearly in tears when the Zoom party finished, as it just didn’t feel right. Emma’s arrival completed our family and turned our days and nights to complete chaos, but has brought endless happiness and joy. She knows so much and has such a rich imagination, makes u...

We’re over 2 weeks into staying at home and looking back it all feels like a blur and each morning the first thought crossing my mind is that’s it’s all been nothing but a bad dream, but then reality hits me. In a very odd way this brings back the same feelings I had after my Dad passed away, when for weeks I woke up thinking it’s all been a silly dream, but then having to embrace the painful truth each day. Yes, it’s not the same thing as mourning an irreplaceable person’s loss, but this is a loss for each of us, on different levels. My heart goes out for those who lost so much  - important exams, jobs, dreams they’ve worked on, businesses they built over years, and sadly even dear ones lost to the virus. ❤️ Somehow some of these will hopefully be fixed. The list of cancelled events, holidays, adventures, weddings is getting longer and makes me so sad. Some of them are only postponed, but it’s still hard. Feels so selfish to complain about smaller insignificant things. Feels so...